Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

What is divorce (dissolution of marriage)?

Divorce is a legal process, through the court, for changing your status from married to single. During the process you must resolve all financial matters between you, and make a parenting plan if you have children. After your 90-day waiting period, and after all your papers have been filed with the court, including your separation agreement, the court must read and approve them. If all is in order, the judge or magistrate will sign a Decree of Dissolution of Marriage (divorce) which dissolves your marriage and makes you single again. At that moment you are free to re-marry.

How long does it take to get a divorce?

There are two timings to think about if you work with us. One is the timing and length of your mediation, and the other is the timing of the court process. An average-length mediaion takes 3 to 4 2-hour sessions, usually over two weeks or two months. The court process in Colorado requires a 90-day waiting period from when you start (obtain the court's jurisdiction over both of you) and when it has the power to sign your Decree (which ends your marriage). There are deadlines in the court process for you to complete and file your papers. Some couples prefer to finish their agreement and other court paperwork before starting the court process. Others prefer the motivation of court deadlines and therefore file with the court first. It's your choice. It's beneficial for all to take the time you need to make your decisions, rather than rush them.

What must a divorce agreement (called “separation agreement”) cover?

A separation agreement must set out your division of assets, responsibility for debts, and either a maintenance (alimony) plan or waiver of maintenance. If there are children, the agreement must specify in some detail your parenting plan which includes both parental decision making and parenting time (other states refer to custody and visitation), and child support. It's also important to come to clear understandings about health insurance, life insurance, and taxes.

What are the requirements for property division and responsibility for debts in Colorado?

“Marital property” refers to assets (money and things of value) acquired during the marriage, except by gift or bequest (inheritance), regardless of whether it's titled to one or both of you, or one of you with others. Anything of value that one of you owned at the time of your marriage that still exists, is the separate property of the owner. The same is true for debts. A divorce or legal separation agreements reaffirms who owns what separate property, and who owes which separate debts, and then states how you will allocate the marital property and debts between you. Law requires that the marital division be “equitable,” which means fair, and not necessarily equal. Most of the time courts and couples decide equitable means equal, but not always.

For example, one spouse may get more than 50% of the assets, but also more than 50% of the debt. This can equal, or nearly so, the other's less than 50% of the assets minus less than 50% of the debt. There are usually many different ways to divide marital property and debts equitably, and it's almost always helpful to consider several options.

What all do we have to say about our children in our divorce papers?

You will need a parenting plan to detail how you will manage your parental responsibilities from two households. This language replaces such words as “custody” and “visitation”, which are no longer in Colorado law. First you need to come to agreement about parental decision-making. This refers to major decisions about the children, such as their health and medical care, education, religion/ethics/spirituality, and anything affecting their general welfare. Will you make these decisions together, jointly, which requires a commitment to good communication, or give these decisions to one of you to make separately?

Second, you will need to reach agreement about parenting time. For most, this means creating a basic schedule over a week, or two weeks, where the children have parenting time with each parent. On top of that consider which holidays are important to you, and whether you want to have a holiday schedule that will override your basic schedule. Then consider whether you want to make an agreement that each of you may take the children on a vacation(s) each year. You can go into more detail if you wish.

Can parenting plans be decided in mediation?

Yes, and they often are. Parents are often motivated to resolve their divorce in an amicable way, because they know that that is in the best interests of their children. It is helpful to parents to plan how they will make major decisions about the children, and make a parenting time plan that will will work for both children and parents. They also make a plan for how they will work together as parents to rear their children from two households, and stay aware of their children's progress and difficulties, so they can continue as caring and responsible parents. Research shows that parents who mediate are far more likely to have long term family relationships with their children, than are parents who argue in court.

How do we determine child support?

The Colorado Child Support Guideline prescribes a calculation for basic food, clothing and shelter for the children, based on parents' gross incomes, the number of overnights the children spend with each parent, and the amount paid for the children's health insurance premium(s). A second part of supporting your children is how you will handle between you all the out-of-pocket health and medical expenses for the children which are not paid by insurance. A third part of child support addresses how you will handle between you all extra expenses for the children which are beyond basic food, clothing, and shelter, items such as music lessons, sports fees and equipment, school pictures, camp, private school, car insurance, prom . . . . A fourth component is about college funds, which some parents address and some do not. There are a variety of ways in which you can deal with these things in an amicable way, and mediation is a good method for showing them to you.

Is there a formula for maintenance?

There is no formula for maintenance (alimony), because, in truth, every situation is unique. In mediation we examine whether there is a need for maintenance, and if so, whether there is enough money to fill all or part of that need, through an uneven property division, or through a (usually) monthly maintenance payment. Some spouses need maintenance until income from a new career phases in, others to go to school in order to become self-supporting. There can be a variety of purposes for it. Maintenance offers the opportunity for money to change hands that is tax deductible for the one who pays it, and included in income for income tax purposes for the receiver. The benefit is that you are taking money out of a high tax bracket and re-inserting it into a low one, thus saving taxes. The court is interested in whether you can both go forth from your marriage in reasonable financial condition, under all your current circumstances.

What is the difference between divorce (dissolution of marriage) and legal separation?

Divorce and legal separation are nearly identical processes through the court: division of assets and debts, maintenance if any, and of course a parenting plan and child support if there are minor children. The final paper, signed by the court, is a decree that declares you legally separated, or your marriage dissolved (ended). With a divorce decree, you immediately become separate taxpayers, your marriage is ended, and you are free to remarry. With a decree of legal separation, you immediately become separate taxpayers, but not free to remarry.

Why do some couples choose legal separation?

Some choose legal separation because they are still examining their relationship, they “want some space.” If they later decide to resume their full marriage, they can dismiss the legal separation case. On the other hand, if they find later that they want to divorce, they have only to “convert” the decree of legal separation to one for divorce, a simple motion to the court.

A second reason for choosing legal separation has to do with health insurance. Usually a spouse can stay on the other spouse's health insurance while legally separated, but not if divorced. Because of the high cost of health insurance, many couples are choosing this option until other reasonable coverage can be found. There is no time limit for being legally separated.

Some religions do not allow for continued membership if there is a divorce. This is the third reason I see for couples choosing legal separation.

Does the 90 day waiting period apply to both divorce and legal separation?

Yes. The 90 days start when you file a petition signed by both of you, or the later of filing the petition with the court and service of process on the other spouse. The soonest you can have your decree would be day 91. To do that you will need to complete your agreement and all your paperwork, and file it all with the court before that.

As long as we agree, the court will approve our agreement, right?

Not necessarily. Just because you have a signed agreement doesn't mean the court will approve it. After reviewing your papers, the court must make the finding (state on the record, “I hereby find . . . ) that your settlement is fair to both of your, and any parenting plan is in the best interests of the children. If the court cannot make those findings, or if your papers are inconsistent or jumbled, the court can reject your agreement and send you back to the drawing board.

We already agree on everything, why should we come to mediation?

Even though you agree on everything, you still need to have your agreement put in writing, and for your agreement to be consistent with all your other papers. You need to be certain that your agreement doesn't leave anything out, and is carefully and thoroughly thought through. Often overlooked are tax issues related to property division, joint tax returns, maintenance, and children. A good mediator can bring these to your attention for your consideration, so you can make sensible agreements about them.

All we need is someone to fill out the forms. Will you do that?

When couples reach agreement in mediation, the mediator puts it in writing. This is called a “Memorandum of Understanding,” and may be used as your “separation agreement” in court. If there are children, the Memorandum will spell out your parenting plan and also include the child support worksheet.

The mediator may provide the other court forms, and assist you with completing them for the court. Most couples fill them out together in the mediation session, so that they are consistent with the facts presented, as well as with the agreements you have reached.

My spouse lives in another state–can we mediate by conference call?

Yes, I have mediated many situations where one or both spouses were out of state, or even out of the country. It generally takes a little longer than if all were present in person, and it requires that everyone cooperate to send around copies of every item that needs to be considered, so all can discuss the same document at the same time.

Do you meet with us together or separately?

Mostly together. Couples typically sit next to each other on one side of the table and across from the mediator. If things get difficult, or there is need to clarify separately, the mediator may “call a caucus,” which means meeting with you separately. This is usually a 5-15 minute one-on-one with one spouse while the other waits outside the room, followed by a similar meeting with the other spouse. Then all meet together again. Caucusing often enables couples to get through matters that would have been more difficult if attempted while together.

Occasionally there are mediations where the parties choose never to be in the same room at the same time. They meet with the mediator separately, on different days. This offers a layer of protection from old arguments, and a measure of privacy for those who feel they need it.

What is a marital agreement?

Some couples come to mediation in search of what to do about their marital difficulties. Besides divorce and legal separation, some consider making a marital agreement (made after the marriage, in contrast to a pre-nuptial agreement which is made before). It is made in anticipation of continued marriage, not divorce, and can address very specific matters, or very broad issues. Many of the marital agreements I have seen are financial, about allocation of incomes, or defining “his, hers, and ours.” Some have been about difficulties with gambling, alcohol, drugs. Others want to negotiate terms for living apart, to “get some space” and perhaps work on their relationship.

Contact the Center Today to Learn More

Contact us for a free 30-minute telephone consultation to see if you would like to mediate here. The Center for Non-Adversarial Divorce's hours are 9 am to 5 pm, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday; 1 - 5 pm on Wednesdays.

We are located in beautiful Genesee (Golden), Colorado, and serve Denver, the Front Range, mountain communities, and more distant locations by conference call.

		M. Arden Hauer, M.A., J.D. Center for Non-Adversarial Divorce
603 Park Point Drive, Suite 120 (I-70 at Genesee Park) Golden, CO 80401-5736 Map and Directions Phone: (303) 526-7749
At the Center for Non-Adversarial Divorce in Colorado, we provide friendly divorce mediation with property and debt division, parenting plans, child support and maintenance (alimony) plans for couples throughout the Front Range and the Denver Metro area, including communities such as Genesee, Golden, Evergreen, Arvada, Lakewood, Boulder, Westminster, Broomfield, Thornton, Northglenn, Louisville, Lafayette, Aurora, Highlands Ranch, Greenwood Village, the Denver Tech Center, Englewood, Littleton, Centennial, Lone Tree, Elizabeth, Parker, Conifer, Granby, and counties including Jefferson County, Denver County, Boulder County, Broomfield County, Arapahoe County, Douglas County, Elbert County, Park County, and Summit County.